But here’s what you’ve told her through your actions: That’s really it. Moving in with her simply shows her that you like being with her, and that you enjoy sleeping with her on a regular basis, and you’d like to make that more convenient. And so they’ll grasp at anything that looks like love. Because if you love her, and you want to be with her forever, then you should also want to get that relationship off on the right foot.
As I speak around the country and talk to young people, one thing that really disturbs me is the cavalier attitude so many Christians have about living together before marriage. To me, that means that if you truly love her, you should be ready to commit to her. And if you’re not in a position to marry her, then don’t say, “well, we can’t get married now, but that’s not our fault. If you’re not ready to get married right now, then you’re not married. So many girls are broken inside because of what has been done to them in the past. Get yourself sorted out first, and the relationship is far more likely to succeed. But please, step outside of yourself for a moment and ask yourself this, If you really love her, you’ll be honest. There is a reason God tells us to wait for marriage. UPDATE: A commenter pointed out that I missed a huge point: how about REPENT BEFORE GOD? The reason I left it out is because that’s ALL many of these guys have heard: what you’re doing is wrong, and you need to turn away from it because it’s sin.
And I think of a few young men that I know in various geographical areas right now who are in this type of relationship. And most girls will never really grow emotionally, and will never really mature, until they do feel safe. That you’re loved for who you are, not just for what you can give someone. So we’re married in our hearts, and we can act like we’re married anyway.” No, you can’t. Instead of just moving in with her and sleeping with her and treating her as if you’re married without actually promising her anything THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS (and not just your words), why don’t you put your energy into making yourself ready for marriage? And you know that what is best for her is if she is in a stable relationship with someone who can show that he loves her unconditionally and is prepared to look after her. You want to feel close and cement the relationship, which is why you chose to sleep together in the first place. God wants the best for us, and God wants us to experience real love, not conditional love. I completely agree, but that message hasn’t touched their hearts. But I still should have mentioned it, because it absolutely is true!
Today I’d like to write an open letter to these young Christian guys–guys who may be involved in relationships that are heading down the wrong path. When they’re safe, they can look seriously at their options and decide what to do with their careers, or with kids, or with where they want to live. You may have given her those words, and she may have eaten them up. With the way you are acting right now, you are really showing the exact opposite, no matter what she may say. But you’re not assuaging any fears; you’re just clinging to the relationship without building it up.
It is not that I think the girls have no part to play in the destructive relationship that they’ve developed, or that the girls shouldn’t make better choices. But when they’re not entirely safe, their emotional energy is spent trying to get safe. If you truly love her, you will love her like a man does. Can you imagine what a transformational thing it would be in her life if you were to say to her, I love you so much. I’m going to not demand that you fulfill my sexual needs, but I’m going to wait for that until we’re both more mature and ready to handle it She may not take that well, because she’s likely afraid, at heart, that if she stops sleeping with you she’ll lose the hold she has over you. But honestly, if you keep with her over the next few months, spending time with her, talking with her, showing her that you’re interested in HER and not just her body, you’ll see a change in her.
Even though Paul spoke this to the Corinthians in regards to eating, this verse can also shed light upon the question of vacationing with an unmarried person of the opposite sex.
Paul seems to be saying in one breath, “Do anything you want, it is okay,” yet in another, “That may not be such a good idea.” Our initial belief or opinion often dictates which statement we put more emphasis on.
A younger (or less mature) person may receive this counsel, focus on the former part, and use it to justify their actions.
I’ve written to girls many times before about not sleeping together before they’re married, too. In fact, I love you so much that I am going to treat you like a lady.
I would simply like to say something to the guys, because in several specific cases I’m thinking about, the guys are the stronger Christians, yet they’re still choosing to cohabitate. And if you REALLY loved your girlfriend, then perhaps you’d consider these things: She’s still young.